Fix You

I simply adore music, song, lyrics!
Such an exquisite way to express ones feelings!
I have a LOT of music on my computer, covering a vast array of genres & artists!
I'm always shocked when I find out someone doesn't share this passion!
Almost offended!
I was watching Glee recently,
when a song that I loved for a number of years now was being sung
by one of the cast members....

I love this song
Because...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
(all the time it seems!)
When you get what you want, but not what you need
(I'd be happier getting what I need, wants are generally selfish!)
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
(again, all the time!)
Stuck in reverse
(I know this feeling well!)

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
(my childhood... my heart...)
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
(my dad, Stuart, Allan!)
Could it be worse?
(YES!!! It could!)

Lights will guide you home
(optimism is the lights!)
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
(this is sung to myself!)

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
(oh my!)
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
(just WOW!)

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

The reason for loving this song really can be found in the lyrics!
This song is about overcoming life's challenges.
This is the ULTIMATE optimism song!

Historically speaking,
I'm a fixer in relationships.
I typically pick men who need me to take care of them.
Each of their needs is different,
but they needed me to take care of them,
fix them,
whatever!

I have taken so much time to work on me.
I need to keep this song close to my heart,
I will try to fix me!
Or continue trying!

Happily Alone

I know its been a while since I last wrote!
The need to write has been there.
Its just that, at times,
no matter how much the urge or desire to write is there,
I can't!
A mental block I suppose!

A lot has changed in my life in the past 2 plus years
since ending my marriage!
Much of it happened this year!

I'm single!
Something I think I should have learned in my marriage...
I would sooner be single & happy,
surrounded by my friends & family,
than to be with someone yet be unhappy & lonely!

I am alone...
I am NOT lonely!

I am dating.
I'm having fun doing it too!

I do want to find the one who's right for me,
BUT...
I have no intention on settling for someone who is not right for me!
If I settle,
I know without a doubt that I will inevitably end up repeating past mistakes.
I know that I will end up unhappy & lonely!

NOTHING worse than being with someone & being lonely!

I love with all of me,
my whole heart, unconditionally.
I wear it on my sleeve for the world to see!
Yet I've been in more than one relationship where I settled,
where I overlooked things that are important to me.

Proof that until the lesson is learned,
life will keep trying to teach you the lesson!

I believe that everything happens for a reason,
that mistakes or bad decisions happen to teach us something,
and until that lesson is learned,
we're going to keep getting the same lesson over & over!

Its kind of like doing the exact same thing repeatedly,
then expecting a different result.

So here I am,
the holiday upon us,
Christmas this weekend!
The following week is New Years!
And I'm completely fine with being single!
I haven't felt an urge to "hurry up" and find someone!
I am quite content waiting,
taking time to get to know me,
to become familiar with the multitude of men
that seem to populate the world!
Who knew, that all men are not the same!

In my taking this time to learn what I bring to a relationship,
and deciding what it is I want, expect or DESERVE in my partner,
I'm allowing myself to continue to grow,
to be conscience of my choices.

An internal awareness of one self is a great thing,
it comes with a confidence & happiness that is so difficult to explain.
Something that I've learned not everyone possesses!

Likely due to the fact that its not that easily obtained!
It requires one to be honest with themselves...
About themselves!

I loved my ex boyfriend,
sadly, I loved him more than he loved me.
Was he deserving of my unconditional love?

I am a BIG girl,
medical professionals would say I'm morbidly obese.

My ex boyfriend told me once that he'd never been with a girl my size.
He even went so far as to say that he loved me IN SPITE of my size!

REALLY?
Is that supposed to be a compliment?

That would be like me saying
"I love you in spite of you being an insensitive oaf!"

I stayed with him because I thought he did love me!
Just of course he couldn't love me the way I loved him...
because I love so uniquely!
I've come to accept the fact that if anyone can't handle me at my worst, they sure as hell don't deserve my best!
I have some pretty amazing things I know to be true about me!
I know that there is someone out there who will appreciate me.
Because of me,
not in spite of it!

I am loud, bold, stubborn, a procrastinator.
But I'm funny, loving, tender, passionate, a great mom!

Its not about finding someone perfect!
No such person exists!

Admitting imperfection to yourself is difficult, but rewarding if you can get there!

I just want someone who...
Loves the way I get mad at myself for procrastinating on buying gifts til the last second!
Who thinks its cute that I swear at the television when watching a show or sporting event!
Who thinks its cute that I sing out of key, especially when I'm singing to him!
Someone who doesn't get mad because I don't make the bed!
Someone who will laugh not just with me, but AT me!
(Yes, I said that right!)
I don't want to be loved in spite of anything,
I want to be loved because of everything!