Finally Forgiveness....

I feel guilt over not writing more!

I know I shouldn't,

as I said from the beginning, this is really all about me.

There really shouldn't be any "norm" for doing this.

That being said however,

I'll admit that I've been wanting to write since the end of March.

I've written in the past about Forgiveness.

I took part in a "Forgiveness workshop" in March.

Probably the best thing I did for myself!

The facilitator of the workshop, in addition to my counselor,

informed me that

"forgiveness might not be what you think it is"

So I went to the workshop with an open mind and a willingness to forgive my father!

I said in my previous posting about forgiveness is that

I don't forgive my father.

Allow me to share with you some of what I learned in my two week workshop!

What forgiveness is not....

• A gift to the wrongdoer, its a gift to ourselves.
• Does not happen simply because someone asked for it.
• It is not earned.
• It is not about someone else
• Is not about letting people get away with hurting you.
• Approval of behavior, action or circumstance.
• Does not excuse what happened.
• Justifying what happened.
• Pardoning the action.
• Reconciliation.
•   Denying what took place.
• Turning a blind eye to what happened.
• Forgetting.
• Refusing to take the wrong seriously.
• Pretending we are not hurt.

Definition of Forgiveness....

• The act of giving up anger, resentment or indignation against another person or situation due to a perceived offense.

• Forgiveness is the gift of grace given so that the weeds of hatred do not spread in the person.

• Release the negative emotions such as anger, resentment, bitterness, indignation, hurt, irritation and guilt that are at others & self.

• Giving up the beliefs that generate these emotions.

• Shifting perceptions regarding the person or circumstance that triggered the unpleasant or negative feelings in an effort to learn to see things differently.

• Choosing and deciding to forgive.

• Developing positive feelings and attitudes toward the person/situation that was previously perceived as hurtful, including oneself.

•  Develop an authentic sense of peace and contentment when thinking about the past transgression.

• Giving up the desire for retribution, punishment or harm to the person or people.

• Discovering the idea that events or situations that were perceived as harmful were learning experiences that existed for personal or spiritual growth of all those involved.

 BINGO!!!

That last one had it all! 

I also learned that Forgiving people tend to be more...

• Optimistic (DUH!)
• Hopeful
• Trusting
• Warmer
• Friendlier
• Loving
• Peaceful
• Empathetic
• In touch with a sense of meaning and purpose

Who knew?
I'd already forgiven my father & wasn't aware of it!

I believe that even in my earliest postings I stated that
I grew from my past, it helped form who I am.
I've used it for the positive!
I accept that it happened and used it for my growth.

I have boundaries on acceptable behavior from those in my life.
I've chosen to not have my fathers toxic ways in my life.
That has nothing to do with my ability to forgive.

I have forgiven!
I'm happy with this discovery!