Alright, here's the story as it sits so far,
I've started writing my letter to my father.
I've discovered that is going to be a longer process than I originally thought!
And rather than not post until that letter is complete, I figured since this is my primary outlet for writing I should still stick with my writing as the need or urge strikes.
So here I am!
OMG I've got so many songs whirling around in my head today!
So many thoughts!
Exciting news in my world,
I've made the decision to go back to school!
Starting February 28th I will be back in a classroom to obtain my LONG overdue high school diploma!
Yep a 40 year old high school student!
I'm most excited about the self esteem I KNOW this is going to give me!
I already know the way this is going to feed my self esteem, the power it will give me to continue onto perhaps a new career or further education!
Power is so so so good for the soul!
I have power right now!
I suppose I should be nervous about this, I mean I haven't been a student in a classroom setting in 23 years!
That's a LONG time!
How do I know I'm going to be able to learn?
How do I know I'll be able to handle the work?
How do I know I can pass?
I know this because the past year and a half of my life has taught me that!
I may not have been in a student in a classroom setting in 23 years,
but I have been the most diligent student of life!
I've done the work, and TRUST me, it was work!
I have learned so much about me,
about those around me,
and about life in the last year that I now know I have the ability to learn anything!
I am so excited, so proud of myself for this step!
I feel like a grown up!
YAY!!
Another big event...
A closed chapter in my life!
I am no longer in counseling!
Odd, I've felt it coming for a while,
I knew the eventual day would be here!
But in 13 months, I've committed to working on myself,
on soul searching, on learning!
In 13 months, I learned a lot!
I met a new wonderful, exciting, happy woman I didn't know!
I met me!
I do so love this version of me,
I love that I know that I will always be working on me.
I will always be growing,
I will always be evolving,
but that at the base, I have an amazing wonderful
idealists view of the world.
I have a very firm grip on reality,
but still optimistic!
I've said it to my boyfriend so many times I'm certain he's tired of hearing it,
but I am SO glad that he met & is getting to know this version of me!
Someone said to me yesterday,
"Please don't change, I like that you have that view!
More people need to hold on to the hope that there is good in everyone!"
Funny, I never saw myself that way til yesterday!
See, growing! Learning!
I'm so sad that I will no longer be seeing my counselor.
She has helped me in ways that I don't know I expected!
I know because I saw a therapist prior to seeing her that the person you see is KEY in your ability to work, to recover!
And she gave me the much needed outlet!
I know that essentially I did the work, but without her guidance,
I believe I would still be a very lost soul!
I was lost all the time,
now, I'm a lot less lost,
my good days far outweigh my bad days,
my bad days are so vastly different than they were a year ago!
So I'm growing up!
I'm mellowing!
I have to say,
I have had the worst, horrible, difficult year imaginable!
I am so thankful for that! It has really given me a clearer perspective!
It has given me so many of the MUCH needed tools along my journey of self discovery!
I'm a strong, vibrant woman!
I really hope at some point, everyone has the kind of year I've had!
I wouldn't trade it for anything!
I've started writing my letter to my father.
I've discovered that is going to be a longer process than I originally thought!
And rather than not post until that letter is complete, I figured since this is my primary outlet for writing I should still stick with my writing as the need or urge strikes.
So here I am!
OMG I've got so many songs whirling around in my head today!
So many thoughts!
Exciting news in my world,
I've made the decision to go back to school!
Starting February 28th I will be back in a classroom to obtain my LONG overdue high school diploma!
Yep a 40 year old high school student!
I'm most excited about the self esteem I KNOW this is going to give me!
I already know the way this is going to feed my self esteem, the power it will give me to continue onto perhaps a new career or further education!
Power is so so so good for the soul!
I have power right now!
I suppose I should be nervous about this, I mean I haven't been a student in a classroom setting in 23 years!
That's a LONG time!
How do I know I'm going to be able to learn?
How do I know I'll be able to handle the work?
How do I know I can pass?
I know this because the past year and a half of my life has taught me that!
I may not have been in a student in a classroom setting in 23 years,
but I have been the most diligent student of life!
I've done the work, and TRUST me, it was work!
I have learned so much about me,
about those around me,
and about life in the last year that I now know I have the ability to learn anything!
I am so excited, so proud of myself for this step!
I feel like a grown up!
YAY!!
Another big event...
A closed chapter in my life!
I am no longer in counseling!
Odd, I've felt it coming for a while,
I knew the eventual day would be here!
But in 13 months, I've committed to working on myself,
on soul searching, on learning!
In 13 months, I learned a lot!
I met a new wonderful, exciting, happy woman I didn't know!
I met me!
I do so love this version of me,
I love that I know that I will always be working on me.
I will always be growing,
I will always be evolving,
but that at the base, I have an amazing wonderful
idealists view of the world.
I have a very firm grip on reality,
but still optimistic!
I've said it to my boyfriend so many times I'm certain he's tired of hearing it,
but I am SO glad that he met & is getting to know this version of me!
Someone said to me yesterday,
"Please don't change, I like that you have that view!
More people need to hold on to the hope that there is good in everyone!"
Funny, I never saw myself that way til yesterday!
See, growing! Learning!
I'm so sad that I will no longer be seeing my counselor.
She has helped me in ways that I don't know I expected!
I know because I saw a therapist prior to seeing her that the person you see is KEY in your ability to work, to recover!
And she gave me the much needed outlet!
I know that essentially I did the work, but without her guidance,
I believe I would still be a very lost soul!
I was lost all the time,
now, I'm a lot less lost,
my good days far outweigh my bad days,
my bad days are so vastly different than they were a year ago!
So I'm growing up!
I'm mellowing!
I have to say,
I have had the worst, horrible, difficult year imaginable!
I am so thankful for that! It has really given me a clearer perspective!
It has given me so many of the MUCH needed tools along my journey of self discovery!
I'm a strong, vibrant woman!
I really hope at some point, everyone has the kind of year I've had!
I wouldn't trade it for anything!
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