Sunday, January 16, 2011

For Starters...

Okay, so where do you start something like this?
I'm not even sure if I'm writing to someone or just writing for the sake of writing!
I imagine it will take various forms every time!

As an introduction, because I'm sure at some point someone is going to read this...
My name is Tracy, I am a now 40 year old woman, separated after a 16 year marriage to a man that I married for all the wrong reasons!

I've titled this blog "A Million Unbroken Pieces" because I'm tired of thinking of myself as broken...
so perhaps I'm just a complex woman with a million pieces...

I have had what has been described by those who know me best as a hard life.
I was physically & mentally abused as a child, by my step mother primarily & some by my father.
I of course went on to fall into abusive relationships...
After ending my marriage, which was not good for either of us or our children (3)
I fell apart... a break down I suppose.
Panic or anxiety attacks, depression, a real hard time!
After taking just over a year to work on myself,
I've learned a great deal, how could I not?
I am so proud of what I've learned about me, about why I am who I am, why I've made the choices I've made in my life.
I at no time am absolving myself of any responsibility in my life choices,
however, those of us emotionally & mentally abused know how we live up to our expectations!
We get called fat often enough we'll become it!
Call me stupid enough, I'll believe it!
Tell me I can't do or don't deserve better,
I won't try for it!
We live what we're taught!

I have a few things in my life that I am passionate about,
first & foremost is music...
I assure you I'm pretty much always listening to music!
I LOVE lyrics!
In fact don't be surprised if I just post song lyrics here some days,
its just something that touches or moves me!
Second is photography,
I'm really new to the photography thing,
I have a wonderful camera,
one I'm still getting to know better.
She's with me all the time!
(Yes, my camera is a she, and she has a name!)
I am a very open minded person,
laid back,
HONEST to a fault!
I am DONE beyond done with anger!
I have NO room in my life for it,
spent 19 years angry all the time,
over it!
I want love, calm, & peace in my life now!
I need to avoid people who trigger the anger,
my ex & my father are these types of people.
I left the ex, can't leave my father!
Good thing he lives in another province & I only see him once a year!
Anyway, I'm going to sign off now, I expect I'll be filling in blanks as I go...

I'm so excited about doing this, I hope this provides the outlet I suspect it will!

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