Okay,
so Marie Osmond gave me that absolutely BRILLIANT A-Ha moment,
truly one I will carry with me for the remainder of my days.
But one question...
How do I find self worth?
How do I build it up?
How do I believe I'm special, wonderful, worthy, if I don't have a base or foundation for it?
How do I create something I have no knowledge of?
I am more than capable of building up confidence in others,
in feeding the egos & self esteem of those closest to me.
I'm good at it too!
So why is it that I'm so incapable of doing so for myself?
Logically, I know I need to make me a priority to myself.
I know that I need to take time for me everyday,
doing things to build my self esteem,
to help me know that I'm worth it,
that I deserve better.
That I deserve to be happy.
I've gotten good at looking back at my life,
such as it is,
and see the patterns of abuse.
I can see the common threads that link my past abusers.
I can see how,
the way I was treated as a child has me conditioned to choose people in my life that aren't able to give me all that I need.
I recently watched an interview with Meridith Baxter,
an actress (Family Ties) who is now an author.
Anyway, this interview was SO helpful for me!
She shared something that had been told to her at a 12-step meeting.
"As children,
we are wired to go to our parents for sustenance,
love and to be nurtured,
its like going to the well.
But some parents wells are empty,
they're not empty at us,
they're just empty."
I realize after hearing this that my father's well is empty, and its not just empty for me, its empty to whoever goes to that well looking for love.
Could be why he's in his 60's & single!
But I can see a trend or pattern of gravitating towards people who's wells aren't full!
Yet my well is empty, not for others, but for myself.
My parents never taught me the importance of being me, of making myself a priority,
so here I am, as much as I want to believe I'm "unbroken",
I'm broken!
I need to learn how to fix me!
So my plan is to work on the little things,
maybe a proper bed time,
no more late nights.
A schedule of sorts,
a daily to-do list!
Perhaps that will force me to make myself a priority!
I'm tired,
of feeling less than everyone else.
I can't wait to start the next phase of my life, the education process.
I know that chapter will aide me in my self confidence,
in filling my own well.
I'm tired of feeling sad!
so Marie Osmond gave me that absolutely BRILLIANT A-Ha moment,
truly one I will carry with me for the remainder of my days.
But one question...
How do I find self worth?
How do I build it up?
How do I believe I'm special, wonderful, worthy, if I don't have a base or foundation for it?
How do I create something I have no knowledge of?
I am more than capable of building up confidence in others,
in feeding the egos & self esteem of those closest to me.
I'm good at it too!
So why is it that I'm so incapable of doing so for myself?
Logically, I know I need to make me a priority to myself.
I know that I need to take time for me everyday,
doing things to build my self esteem,
to help me know that I'm worth it,
that I deserve better.
That I deserve to be happy.
I've gotten good at looking back at my life,
such as it is,
and see the patterns of abuse.
I can see the common threads that link my past abusers.
I can see how,
the way I was treated as a child has me conditioned to choose people in my life that aren't able to give me all that I need.
I recently watched an interview with Meridith Baxter,
an actress (Family Ties) who is now an author.
Anyway, this interview was SO helpful for me!
She shared something that had been told to her at a 12-step meeting.
"As children,
we are wired to go to our parents for sustenance,
love and to be nurtured,
its like going to the well.
But some parents wells are empty,
they're not empty at us,
they're just empty."
I realize after hearing this that my father's well is empty, and its not just empty for me, its empty to whoever goes to that well looking for love.
Could be why he's in his 60's & single!
But I can see a trend or pattern of gravitating towards people who's wells aren't full!
Yet my well is empty, not for others, but for myself.
My parents never taught me the importance of being me, of making myself a priority,
so here I am, as much as I want to believe I'm "unbroken",
I'm broken!
I need to learn how to fix me!
So my plan is to work on the little things,
maybe a proper bed time,
no more late nights.
A schedule of sorts,
a daily to-do list!
Perhaps that will force me to make myself a priority!
I'm tired,
of feeling less than everyone else.
I can't wait to start the next phase of my life, the education process.
I know that chapter will aide me in my self confidence,
in filling my own well.
I'm tired of feeling sad!
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