Happiness Doesn't Just Happen!

Something occurred to me today,
I remembered when I first started counseling over a year ago.
I remember telling my counselor that I was afraid that at the end of this,
(meaning the depression)
I wouldn't be the same me I was before it!
I wanted the old me back.

Today it occurred to me that I couldn't be more different than the me I was prior to the depression!
The funniest thing is, I'm so much happier with who I am!
I do believe that everything happens for a reason,
whatever the ultimate outcome,
everything happens to teach us!
To aid us in becoming a better version of us!
And while I'm no longer in counseling, I do continue to grow & learn everyday.
I learn about me every single day of my life now!
I want better for myself now, and expect better of me!
Now, when I reflect back at various parts of my life,
I realize that the reason I was so angry was because I wasn't happy
but didn't feel safe enough to admit it to myself.
So now, here I am in a relationship that is
calm,
kind,
loving,
good for me,
and I'm battling my inner saboteur!
How do I not sabotage my relationship,
my happiness?
I don't know how to be happy!
See, this new me is smarter too!
I need to keep reminding myself that I want happiness, and I have to work at it!
It doesn't just happen!
I love me now!

Not so sure I could have said that at any other point in my life,
well, not honestly anyway!