One Stupid Wednesday

You died on a Wednesday.
An ordinary, sunny, autumn Wednesday.
Ironically, I was born on a Wednesday.
But THIS

Wednesday was a sad, horrible, life altering Wednesday for me!
I wish I knew before that Wednesday how amazing you were!
I wish I knew exactly what I had to lose before that Wednesday!
I suppose we all take our mom's for granted!
God knows I did!
I remember, as a teenage girl, wishing you would just shut up & leave me alone, what on earth could you know anyway?
Dear god,
I wish I could have you back to annoy me now, to tell me what to do!
The date was Wednesday September 25th, 2002.
That is the Wednesday that I will forever remember as the day my world fell apart!
It was a sunny autumn day indeed,
we arrived at the hospital to visit you, this being your 3rd day in the hospital,
Lori & I walked into the room, and I could see right away that you were worse than yesterday! Tuesday was better, you looked better then!
Today, Wednesday, you looked weak, you looked like you were dying.
You were.
The doctor was in your room, when she left we followed, she told us to gather those closest, it wouldn't be long...
It's only 10am!
What does "won't be long" mean?
We went back into your room, we talked with you for a bit, idle chit chat really, nothing important.
DAMN IT!
I wish I could remember the little conversations with you!
Then Lori & I talked privately for a bit with Nanny, poor Nanny, her only child dying in front of her, what mother should watch this?
We had decided that we would all take shifts in staying with you so you wouldn't be alone and allow us to keep each other updated. I was going to take the over night shift, so I was going to get some of my stuff from where I was staying, so that I would be able to stay with you, when Lori called me and said for me to come back, quickly, I wouldn't be needing stuff for the night. Basically, the doctor said you had only hours left.
Nanny must have been in denial, because she said she was going to go back to your place, get some rest, have dinner, and she told you to get better!
GET BETTER?!?!
Really??

I honestly don't remember much of the day at all, we sat around in your room, talking about our memories of you, laughing, crying, telling jokes & stories.
You died just past 9pm on that Wednesday.

It was a full room, I couldn't even tell you who was there in the end, this was really about Lori & I losing our mom more than anything! My boys losing the most amazing Nanny, Lori's unborn children losing the opportunity to have you as their Nanny! She has two little miracles now Mom, they're brilliant bright little gifts! I know without a doubt you're watching over them!

Thursday was a horrible day too! I remember walking to your work to notify them that you had passed away...
I remember, to this day, my thoughts as I watched the busy streets of Toronto go on with the day as if it were any ordinary Thursday.
Did they not realize that just the night before, the whole world fell apart?
At least mine did!

So much has changed in life since you've passed away.
I feel like I'm such a different person now than I was then!
Actually,
I KNOW I'm a MUCH different person than then!

I miss you Mom, every single day since you left! Every time there is something big in our lives here on earth I miss you more! Hayden was diagnosed with type 1 Juvenile Diabetes just 3 months after you died, oh how I needed you! I talked to you everyday before you died, I assure you, that has NOT changed! I still talk, sadly I can't hear your response but I know you're there listening!

When Lori had her babies, I know you were there, where else would you be?

When I made the extremely difficult decision to end my marriage, I'm certain you were there supporting me in the way only you could have!

And this past year, I believe you have been with me when I needed you most.

Mom, for all the times I didn't say it when you were here, I love you! I love you more than you could ever know! I miss you! I miss your hugs, I miss your telling me what to do! I miss ignoring you! I wish I never took for granted my mom!

Every week, there is a Wednesday, and when I realize its a Wednesday, I feel so sad!
It makes me think of you!
I have had some happy Wednesday's since you've passed,
but that one stupid Wednesday just won't go away!